Finding Hope

When my little man was born, I found myself in the midst of the baby blues.  I had everything I ever wanted, a wonderful husband, a beautiful son, and I felt so melancholy.  To me, I should have been jumping up and down with joy and giggling with giddyness at the situation.  Instead I was drowning in anxiety and worry about everything.  Can I really take care of this child?  Will my husband still love me post-baby?  What if he gets sick? What if I get sick?  What if, what if, what if..... all the day long.  I cried out to God, asking why me?  Why?  I tried to put on a brave face for Mr. Reese, but eventually it just came crumbling down.  In those moments I held on tightly to God and my loving husband, waiting to see the doctor to find out just what was going on.  On arrival to the Dr.'s office, I was reassured that all would be well, and that this post partum depression would only be temporary.  Meds perscribed, filled and taken, and within a week, I was doing much better.  I had hope that there would be and end to the heavy, wet blanket that had been thrown over my fire.   My husband and I began to pray that I would be able to overcome this and be victorious.  Six months later I was able to slowly wean off the meds, and am back to my old self, with some new stuff thrown in for good measure.  Child of God, Wife, Mommy, Daughter, Sister, Friend.  

needs and wants

Ok, so this being my first blog post of my own, I am a bit nervous.  What if I can't write my thoughts so that even when I look back and read them, I can understand them!  I have never been good at journalling.  I teach writing for pete's sake, but can't seem to produce when I am writing my own thoughts. 
So....here goes!
I have been thinking lately about things I want to do.  Not things that I NEED to do, but things I WANT to do.  There are major differences between needs and wants.  In the past few months, being off of work and taking care of my little guy, I have learned that there are things that just have to take a backseat.  Those are the wants.  I need to feed my family, need to make sure my son is clothed and has a clean diaper and is happy.  I want to craft, to sew, to take walks and peruse the shelves at the local bookstore until my eyes burn, but there have to be priorities.  The house needs to be tidied, the clothes washed, etc.  I want to spend time with my son and play with him and teach him things, that to me is a need to do, but it is often trumped by those pesky chores at home.  So then I don't do the chores, and Mr. Reese comes home and the house isn't clean and laundry not done and "oh, what did you do all day?"   How do moms out there balance it all? 

I have to go back to teaching in the fall, due to those things that we need to do, like pay the bills.  I so desperately want to stay home with my little man, but can't.  Then the thought of going back to work, coming home each night to take care of cooking, cleaning, feeding the family, and then having so little time to spend with the baby and my husband is killing me.  If I can't get it all done now, how the heck am I supposed to do it while working full time as well?

I now NEED to go take care of the baby, which is exactly what I WANT to do.  Sometimes I can have my cake and eat it too.